I lived through a life-enhancing anxiety moment.
It was my first time sharing about existential therapy to a large audience in Singapore at the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Conference 2023.
I have shared my study on authenticity and silence in Asian society multiple times before, in groups, one-on-one sessions, virtually, and in writing. But never in such a large setting, addressing an audience of over 300 people.
Anxiety, Doubt, and Self-Questioning Before the Talk
Truth be told, in the days leading up to the conference as I prepared for my talk, I was consumed by anxiety and self-doubt.
- What are my audience expecting to hear?
- Can I do justice to the research in the way I deliver the findings?
- Will the audience understand and resonate?
- How will they react?
These questions kept looping in my mind. It was not just about performance, but also about legitimacy, clarity, and connection in a high-stakes academic and professional space.
Public speaking anxiety, especially in large conferences, often carries this internal pressure of wanting to both know and be enough at the same time.
And then it was over.
In the Moment: From Fear to Engagement
I had a great time.
The audience loved it. I received much feedback and many questions. I am pleased to see people becoming curious about existential therapy. Goal—checked!
But what stood out more than the outcome was the experience itself. Once I stepped into the space, the anxiety did not disappear, but it transformed. It became something I could move with rather than something that stopped me.
There was engagement, curiosity, and presence. The very things I was worried about not receiving became the lived reality of the moment.
Rethinking Anxiety Through an Existential Lens
Looking back at how I navigated anxiety leading up to the conference, I am reminded of a book by psychotherapist Kirk Schneider, Life-Enhancing Anxiety: Key to a Sane World.
What I experienced was none other than “life-enhancing anxiety”.
The kind that helps us “live on the edge of wonder and discovery”, as opposed to life-denying anxiety, which is “linked to destructiveness and emotional impoverishment”.
This distinction matters. Anxiety is often framed as something to eliminate or overcome. But existential perspectives invite a different understanding, one where anxiety can also signal meaning, importance, and aliveness.
In this sense, anxiety was not an obstacle to my work. It was part of the threshold into it.
What This Experience Taught Me
My takeaway from this experience: anxiety can be life-enhancing and it is a part of being human.
I am grateful I did not try to avoid or suppress my anxiety. Instead, I allowed myself to sit with it, move through it, and use it as part of my presence with the audience.
It did not weaken my delivery. In many ways, it deepened it.
Because sometimes, the goal is not to remove anxiety entirely, but to learn how to stay present with it long enough for something meaningful to happen.
About the Author
I am a BPS-accredited and SPS-accredited Counselling Psychologist with a Doctorate in Existential Psychology from the New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling in London, U.K. My care philosophy is not to diagnose, label, or categorise but rather to work with the individual in front of me in the here and now.
My clinical credentials certainly play a significant role in defining my professional identity. But to foster a deeper connection and authenticity, I invite you to discover my other “Selves”, the various facets of who I am.
