Everyone seems to be on Instagram these days, but it took me about five years to finally join the bandwagon. Initially, I really wasn’t sure I wanted to go on it.
The thought of constantly posting, promoting myself, and trying to be “discovered” felt exhausting. Part of me just likes doing things at my own pace, in my own way. Still, eventually, I decided to take the leap and share my advocacies, beliefs, and the work I do…and that’s exactly what I did.
I want to share enough to help clients connect and maybe find something they resonate with, but not so much that it’s just for the sake of resonance. It’s a delicate balance between being relatable and staying mindful of what truly serves the client. So I had to think about the content I shared. But life rarely unfolds as neatly as we plan.
Despite consistently sharing content, I wasn’t reaching the number of people I had hoped to. The engagement I expected never quite came. It was only later that I realized I wasn’t just posting into a neutral space, but into a system. One shaped by algorithms.
To “succeed,” you have to play the game: get followers, earn likes, rank well. You need to give people what they want. It’s very much like being part of any system where you progress only if you’re obedient to it, follow its rules.
At the same time, beyond the algorithm and Instagram numbers, there’s me who simply wants to write what I want to write and post what feels meaningful. But, sometimes, what the people want is not something I agree with. And that’s where the tension lies.
Caught between these two pulls, I found myself exhausted and constantly negotiating between staying true to myself and meeting the algorithm’s demands, between choosing what I want to post and what I have to post.
It made me pause and ask: Where do I draw the line between authenticity and compliance?
Individuality Inside an Algorithm
Authenticity is often framed as doing whatever you want. It’s tied to pure self-expression, unfiltered and unconstrained. But real life is not as simple as just being yourself.
Individuality is often misunderstood as total freedom without compromise. This version of authenticity ignores a basic human reality: We live with others, inside systems we did not choose.
We don’t exist in isolation. We live inside systems: workplaces, cultures, relationships, and increasingly, digital platforms shaped by algorithms. These systems shape what is rewarded, what is visible, and what survives.
There’s a concept in existentialism called facticity which points to the parts of our lives we cannot change, like where we were born, who our parents are, or the events that have shaped us. It reminds us that some aspects of our lives are fixed.
I wonder if the systems we live in (the social norms, institutions, even platforms like Instagram) are part of that facticity, shaping what we can and cannot do, and influencing how our individuality is expressed.
This tension between individuality and systems is something I encounter daily, not just as a person, but as a mental health professional navigating Instagram.
If I only post whatever I want, I risk having no audience at all. And if the goal is to make existential therapy accessible, being unseen defeats the purpose. So in this aspect, the system actually helps.
Sometimes systems make life difficult because we need to bend some of our wishes and expectations to fit into the system for the greater good.
But if I bend my expectations to only give people what they want and completely conform to the rules of the system, I risk drifting away from what I actually believe in.
The central question then, lies here.
How do I draw that balance? It’s not about just doing what I want, but it’s also not about following systems blindly. So, how do I do that?
The Tightrope Walker
I find it helpful to think of authenticity as walking a tightrope. A tightrope only works because of tension. Without it, you fall. The tension in the rope has to be kept.
In the same way, the tension between individual desires and systemic demands is not a problem to eliminate but it’s actually what makes authentic living possible.
Walking the rope isn’t about finding balance once and being done. It’s about constant adjustment. Shifting weight. Staying present. Expecting to wobble. Sometimes you lean more toward individual expression. Sometimes you lean more toward the system. Authenticity is a process.
So have I found the balance between posting only what I want and what the audience wants on my Instagram feed? No. Some posts may flop and some may get more views. But I’m doing what I can to deal with that tension.
The balance isn’t something you find once and you’re done. You have to constantly manage it. Wellness is really about walking in the tension and learning how to stay in it.
Five Ways to Walk the Tightrope of Authentic Living
1. Clarify What Matters
Like a tightrope walker focusing on the destination, identify your core values. When systems make demands, ask whether they move you closer to—or further from—what matters.
2. Feel the Tension
Pause before conforming. Ask whether you are choosing consciously or operating on autopilot. The discomfort of tension keeps you awake.
3. Set Boundaries
Boundaries act like a balancing pole. Decide what is negotiable and what is not. Boundaries allow flexibility without collapse.
4. Stay in Relationship
Authenticity requires engagement, not withdrawal. Pure self-expression without regard for others isn’t authenticity—it’s isolation.
5. Expect to Wobble
You will lose balance. You will drift. What matters is not avoiding inauthenticity, but recognizing it and returning to awareness.
Authenticity: The Practice of Returning
My key takeaway from all this is that walking the tightrope of authentic living means accepting that you’ll wobble between authenticity and inauthenticity. Both are part of being human.
The goal isn’t to never fall into inauthenticity but it’s the ability to notice when you have and consciously choose to find your balance again.
Inauthenticity isn’t “bad” or being fake. In existential terms, it’s simply going through life on autopilot, doing things without overthinking. There’s a purpose to it too: sometimes we can only get through the day by moving automatically, from brushing our teeth to the daily commute.
I like this quote from a close colleague:
“An authentic self is a momentary possibility we seek to attain, rather than a given state of being.”
Authentic living is more about staying awake to your choices rather than sleepwalking through conformity or rebellion. The tension between who you are and what’s demanded of you is not a flaw—it’s part of being human.
The tightrope never disappears. But with practice, it becomes possible to walk it with more skill, more compassion, and less fear.
Authenticity is not a state you achieve. It’s the ongoing act of noticing when you’ve fallen and choosing to return.
About the Author
I am a BPS-accredited and SPS-accredited Counselling Psychologist with a Doctorate in Existential Psychology from the New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling in London, U.K. My care philosophy is not to diagnose, label, or categorise but rather to work with the individual in front of me in the here and now.
My clinical credentials certainly play a significant role in defining my professional identity. But to foster a deeper connection and authenticity, I invite you to discover my other “Selves”, the various facets of who I am.
